Week 5 Recap: Are you there, Bears? It’s me, Eric

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Dear Chicago Bears,

Five weeks into the NFL season, you’ve delighted, confused, frustrated, disappointed, excited and teased us. We’re in a long-term relationship, this is bound to happen. But with a lot of football still left to play I’m concerned that my attraction to you, strong as it may be at times, may start to waver unless some unhealthy habits are corrected. We need to get back to the simple things that attracted to each other from birth. So here is some advice that may help us keep the flame lit and burning deep into the cold, cold winter ahead.

-That quarterback of yours can be good. He can be very, very good. But he has this silly habit of throwing the ball to players on the other team in meaningful moments. When three defenders are surrounding one receiver, maybe don’t throw the ball there. The odds may NOT be ever in your favor.

– The endzone does not close at halftime. Your team IS allowed to score points in the final 30 minutes of the game.  It would help. Give it a go.

-While the other team is on offense, opposing receivers are allowed to catch passes in the middle of the field. Yes, they are allowed to catch them anywhere, but your defense seems scared of covering that massive area.

-“Special Teams” is not a term given because they get to be in the special classroom with the colorful blocks. Still, this group sure has been special. Running kick returns out from 7 yards into the endzone to about the 12 yard line, hitting return men before the ball gets to them, leaving live balls just laying on the field, missing 35 yard field goals. You know, special. Can we get back to the “special” we used to be? Or just competent?

-All the money we spent on offensive weapons, a star quarterback and an offensive guru coach? Can we start to see some payoff from that? Like, more than 24 points in a game?

I want you to know, I’ll always love you no matter what. But you’re starting to get on my nerves. I’m very close to taking my football pillow and sleeping on the couch for a few nights. I’m not asking a lot. I know we can get the magic back. Let’s take the week to reflect, do a little “me” work, then we’ll get together next Sunday and see if we can’t find some of that ol’ spark.

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